July 16, 2005

• B"H

  
  

  The Gift of Family & Friends

  
  

   

  
  

  Time for a new post. Way overdue actually. Although I don't like this fact about myself, I'm a very moody person, all too often. I'm not generally depressed, although I have experienced that emotion in the past, but I have an abiding feeling of sadness and disappointment most of the time.

  
  

  Although I have struggled with issues of self-disclosure here in this public arena, today I'll break out and pull back the curtain a little bit.

  
  

  One reason that I don't share too much about my personal life has to do with safety and security concerns, but that's not all there is to it. I don't live in this world all by myself. I have my family and their privacy concerns at the forefront of my thinking whenever I sit here to write stuff. I have also felt restrained by my desire not to bring others down, just because I am down.

  
  

  With those few words as a preface, let me now attempt to share some of my current feelings and frustrations.

  
  

  For the past 2 years I have been in a place of limbo regarding membership in a body of believers. For several sad reasons I left the congregation I had joined a few years prior. I didn't leave on bad terms, and so conceivably, I could go back there any time, but other than to visit I doubt that will be happening.

  
  

  Our family moved here, to the midwest, to learn about living in community from Reba Place Fellowship 8 years ago. We relocated 900 miles from Long Island, NY without any family or jobs here. Our primary focus and concern at that time, was seeking to learn about living together with other believers and hopefully becoming equipped to return to Long Island and start a Messianic Jewish Community there. A lot of things have changed between then and now.

  
  

  In the timetable of events, we moved here to Evanston, IL between the passing of both of my parents. My Mother died in July of 1996 and my Father in January of 1998. Since I have no brothers or sisters there was then much less of a natural reason to return to Long Island. Penninah is also from New York, but her parents relocated to the South after they retired and her brother and sister both live in California now.

  
  

  I wanted to sort of function as an assistant to the Rabbi of the Messianic congregation that we were a part of when we moved here, but that didn't work out. Rabbi Ron told me that I should seek to get some sort of credentials or at least formal education like a Bible school or seminary. He suggested that I consider going to the school that he attended (CFNI = Christ for the Nations, Int'l) which is in Dallas, TX. Both Penninah and I had strong feelings against this idea because it would mean at least 2 more moves for our family, one to Texas and then another back to Long Island. Why couldn't I find some school around here in the Chicagoland area and then only move once more back to Long Island? Moody Bible Institute here in Chicago has a department of Jewish Studies now so I thought that perhaps this might be a solution to my dilemma. I was more than a little uncertain though, because I had tried to attend Moody many years ago, when I first got out of the Service (1975), and they had a strong anti-charismatic policy in place. I had heard that this had changed, but I still had other thoughts and reservations about it all.

  
  

  As it turned out, it was true that Moody had relaxed its policy in regard to spiritual gifts and speaking in tongues in particular, but now a different hurdle was standing in my path. I have never wanted to be a sole leader of a congregation. Ever since the days when I was part of starting a congregation (1977) I have not considered myself to be equipped to be a Pastor/Rabbi. Indeed there are some things that I think I do fairly well and I enjoy them, but counseling and adminstration are not among them. To make a long story short, here's what happened. Moody has an option available whereby an individual can attend and study for one or two years and take elective courses of their own choosing. At the end of this time they receive a certificate and go their way. This sounded just great to me and Rabbi Ron too. The obstacle that we faced and ultimately were blocked by however, was that this option was only available to those individuals who were sent or reffered by a mission board or agency, NOT a congregation. Rabbi Ron really tried his best on my behalf. He wrote a letter and had several extensive phone conversations, but in the end I could only attend Moody if I wanted to pursue a 3 or 4 year degree.

  
  

  Being such an academic rebel all my life really cost me this time. I have to believe that GOD had/has something yet in store for me, but it gets hard waiting without even knowing what one is waiting for.

  
  

  Penninah and I both loved the people at Shaarei HaShamayim (Gates of Heaven), but other than that we didn't feel any desire to return to Long Island to live. The cost of living there is higher than here and without the prospects of actually starting a community or being part of a leadership team in a congregation, why would we go back there? So, we settled in here for the long haul.

  
  

  This October we will celebrate 21 years as a married couple. Being here in this two bedroom apartment for 8 years is the longest we have lived in any one place. There's lots of great things about this place, but of course there are also some drawbacks.

  
  

  I love Reba Place Fellowship and Reba Place Church also. I love our neighborhood and the unique privilege it affords us by having some many believers right here in close proximity. Within  a 3X5 block area most of the people in the Fellowship and congregation live. Because they are believers, we share a place of common ground in our experience of the New Birth. On the other hand, because we are Jewish and they are Christians we have a certain degree of division between us also.

  
  

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  In my next post, which will hopefully be later today, I'll share more about this theological/sociological divide and why it makes me sad.

  
  

  Blessings in the name of the LORD,

  
  

  Shlomo

  
  

   

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